My Novel

I have decided to move from this url address where up to now I was writing a blog online and instead of that to start writing my novel online. So, unfortunately I will cease writing the blog. I don't have so much time to write in the same time 2 blogs and one novel. I prefer to focus on my novel, which should be more open and sincere than blogs could be.

Hated Love

I am wondering, why men who are given unconditional wonderful love hate it so much and treat the women who love them worse than prostitutes?  I cannot understand that. Why? Why it works like that? What’s wrong? Why men who are given such a purely good gift behave like sadistic bastards?

Bailiff?

In the morning a local bailiff contacted with me. She said, that I am due to ARiMR 12 złoty. How come? They have taken all my grants from my bank account in the summer. Around 15.000 złoty. And yet they want more now? I told her I don’t have a single złoty, besides this 15.000 złoty grant shouldn’t have been taken from me, because the matter was still going on which means, the money shouldn’t been taken until the matter is resolved.

She has nasty profession, but she is a nice girl. We chatted for a while on the mobile phone. And while we were chatting, she left my farm and went to my neighbours... ;) She says, she has 7 more clients in my village ;))) How come? :))) It means, that all my village is in debts ;))) Which I am finding a bit encouraging ;))) But since I have reasons to be in a difficult financial situation – the rest of the village inhabitants have far much better financial and material situation than me, also far better social situations, since they live with their families who are helping them in everyday duties. Right now I have minus 324,38 złoty at my bank account, since I spend the money which were supposed to be left there for loan rate – I spent them for buying grain and potatoes, also some hay. Still I need to buy some more hay and straw, also new fruit trees. I will not have enough money for it.

What should I do? I don’t have enough money for all my farm needs. Maybe I should to try to teach English at my farm? But my farm is situated in a remote place and the access to the farm is hard since the roads are soft and muddy. Nevertheless, it is worth of trying. Probably I will not have any clients, but maybe at least one or two who would give me some additional income? Let’s try it. I have experience and so much teaching materials. I should at least try. I used to teach while living in my home town. I used to have 40 lessons a week with various students – young and old. Well, but I was living in the centre of a big Polish city, so I could afford to have so many students. Right now I live in a remote place and yet my Internet connection is of a bad quality so I cannot teach via Internet. But still I have talent for teaching and yet enormous experience. Besides, my English improves with each day when I read English novels and listen to them.

I have decided to study economics in English. It would be great help to teach business English and by the way – I will refresh my economics knowledge. So – a lot of studying in front of me. But first I need to study law in Polish since I have to fight with local red concrete which is disturbing in my happy farming and limits my farm development and progress.

October Night

“Summertime sadness”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGRx_53YbxU The song flows across my rooms flooding each corner with this fascinating music. I am not sad. Just quiet. It’s late. I am sitting in a lonely house surrounded by dark meadows and listening to the music. Thinking about today, yesterday and tomorrow. 

Yesterday there was another control from eco certification  institution. The controller arrived late. It was young, tall and handsome man. At first I didn’t notice this – that he is handsome, tall and young. At first I was stressed because of the control. For me each controller is a potential enemy. But he was okay. He bravely borne the living condition in which I live. He didn’t complain. He also didn’t get irritated when a piece of paper got wet by accident while he put it at kitchen table... ;) He handed to me copies and originals of the protocol, since he couldn’t put them at the wet table. In one hand I was keeping originals and in another copies. It was funny scene, but I was too stress to notice this at first because of the magic and scary word: “control”. I hate any controls and exams. They always cause enormous stress in me.

As I say, I didn’t notice him until he said in a theatrical way: “Lady Isabelle! Lady Isabelle! Lady Isabelle! This is your name, isn’t it? I remember your name since I was here a few times already. Do you remember me?”

“Really? I only remember your name and surname. I know that you was here once.”
His talk made me interested in him a bit, as there was something in his face, something hidden, or something what he was trying to hide – I understood that this meeting had two meanings. Professional and a kind of personal. What he was up to? Maybe it was just curiosity – why an intelligent woman from a big city has chosen to live in a countryside like this. Or maybe it was something else? Some kind of attraction? But how? We hardly know each other and usually during these meetings I don’t care what I wear on my self. Usually working farm clothes ;) So why? Maybe he reads my Polish blog? Or maybe he was flirting with me some time ago on one of the messengers? While I was wondering about it I spotted a wedding ring at his hand. “Taken.” – I thought. My interest immediately evaporated.

Later that evening – when after his short visit he left my house and I was accompanying him to his car having some professional questions to him about my farm and my potential grants – I have noticed how tall he was. Really tall. And really handsome. And yet intelligent. “What a shame that he is already married” – I thought. But wasn’t him who was asking me some time ago to rent a room in my house? I don’t remember if it was him or somebody else. Anyway – my house is not ready for renting rooms, specially now, when I have loads of work outside and inside.

Now, after reading the Eleven Minutes I was looking at the man differently. I saw something, what I wasn’t noticing before. He was unsure. A kind of scared. Like the men described by Maria. Should I seduce him? – a devilish thought ran across my mind. What for? He is married. It would be no future in front of us and I prefer to seduce someone with whom I could create my dreamed paradises. Besides I am too moral and too passive to seduce whoever. I am not going to change now. I prefer to live my own lifestyle which is difficult and hard, but it’s mine and it’s pure. Besides it’s no sense to complicate professional relationship which is good. He is a controller and I am a farmer. That’s it!


Lana del  Rey - Summertime Sadness

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That baby you the best

I got my red dress on tonight
Dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight
Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style
High heels off, I'm feelin' alive

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above, are sizzlin' like a snare
Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That baby you're the best

I got that summertime, summertime sadness
su-su-summertime, summertime sadness
Got that summertime, summertime sadness
Oh, oh oh

I'm feelin' electric tonight
Cruising down the coast goin' by 99
Got my bad baby by my heavenly side
I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight

Oh, my God, I feel it in the air
Telephone wires above, are sizzlin' like a snare
Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere
Nothing scares me anymore

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That baby you're the best

I got that summertime, summertime sadness
Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness
Got that summertime, summertime sadness
Oh, oh oh

Think I'll miss you forever
Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky
Later's better than never
Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive

I got that summertime, summertime sadness
Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness
Got that summertime, summertime sadness
Oh, oh oh

Kiss me hard before you go
Summertime sadness
I just wanted you to know
That baby you're the best

I've got that summertime, summertime sadness
Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness
Got that summertime, summertime sadness
Oh, oh oh

text taken from this website: 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tsNoZQSTNc&feature=related
I do not own the song or don't claim the text of the song is mine.