It's the highest time to refresh this blog and start typing again :)
It was not easy to find the access to the blog, as my old comp has crushed a long time ago,
yet I don't have electricity at home since many months :)))))
Yes, it is possible to live without electricity :)
I haven’t been writing for a while here – simply being busy with farm work and also with my Polish blog where I meet lots of fantastic people.
Something changed in meantime. I got a new, great volunteer/farm helper. His name is Darek.
He comes from south of Poland. He is very hardworking, clever man with initiative and farm skills needed here. I am considering to keep him here during all winter and probably longer.
We work together a lot and do great job in my fields and woods, also at settlement and my home.
He really likes farm life. He loves nature and animals and country peace. We have a lot in common. Similar life ideas.
It is possible that his wife will come here as well. If so – after some time I will be able to leave them at my farm alone and I will be able to go travelling for a while. But, as I know myself well – I would rather go to work somewhere instead of loosing time on simple travelling. I need lots of money to invest in my paradise, so every penny would do me good :)
I am so glad that I have met so wonderful Friend like Darek.
I wish I could also meet my beloved sweetheart... Where is he??? :)
I hope, that my dreamed Angel will arrive at my farm one day and will make me extremaly happy :)
Probably you think that I have already written at least 200 pages of my first novel.
Well, you may think this, because you don't see the novel. I will not lie to you - the novel doesn't progress much, basicly, because I am busy with other writing recently - in my mother toungue. My Polish blog is followed by hundreds people, so I need to write something there from time to time and also respond to people's comments - otherwise they feel neglected by me...
But I promise you and myself - to continue the novel.
I am slowly becoming a writer while I write my first novel. I am sorry - I write it in secret, as local red concrete started to read it in order to use it against me. I like to share my life and thoughs with others, but secret mode is just safer for me - not all readers reading my blogs and novel are friendly.
Besides while I write it in secret - I feel more free. I like to write what I would like to write - without thinking what others would think or how judge what I write.
Writing without stress is much more enjoyable. Of course I will publish my novel one day when it will be completed. Until this time I cannot share it with you...
I have decided to move from this url address where up to now I was writing a blog online and instead of that to start writing my novel online. So, unfortunately I will cease writing the blog. I don't have so much time to write in the same time 2 blogs and one novel. I prefer to focus on my novel, which should be more open and sincere than blogs could be.
I am wondering, why men who are given unconditional wonderful love hate it so much and treat the women who love them worse than prostitutes? I cannot understand that. Why? Why it works like that? What’s wrong? Why men who are given such a purely good gift behave like sadistic bastards?
In the morning a local bailiff contacted with me. She said, that I am due to ARiMR 12 złoty. How come? They have taken all my grants from my bank account in the summer. Around 15.000 złoty. And yet they want more now? I told her I don’t have a single złoty, besides this 15.000 złoty grant shouldn’t have been taken from me, because the matter was still going on which means, the money shouldn’t been taken until the matter is resolved.
She has nasty profession, but she is a nice girl. We chatted for a while on the mobile phone. And while we were chatting, she left my farm and went to my neighbours... ;) She says, she has 7 more clients in my village ;))) How come? :))) It means, that all my village is in debts ;))) Which I am finding a bit encouraging ;))) But since I have reasons to be in a difficult financial situation – the rest of the village inhabitants have far much better financial and material situation than me, also far better social situations, since they live with their families who are helping them in everyday duties. Right now I have minus 324,38 złoty at my bank account, since I spend the money which were supposed to be left there for loan rate – I spent them for buying grain and potatoes, also some hay. Still I need to buy some more hay and straw, also new fruit trees. I will not have enough money for it.
What should I do? I don’t have enough money for all my farm needs. Maybe I should to try to teach English at my farm? But my farm is situated in a remote place and the access to the farm is hard since the roads are soft and muddy. Nevertheless, it is worth of trying. Probably I will not have any clients, but maybe at least one or two who would give me some additional income? Let’s try it. I have experience and so much teaching materials. I should at least try. I used to teach while living in my home town. I used to have 40 lessons a week with various students – young and old. Well, but I was living in the centre of a big Polish city, so I could afford to have so many students. Right now I live in a remote place and yet my Internet connection is of a bad quality so I cannot teach via Internet. But still I have talent for teaching and yet enormous experience. Besides, my English improves with each day when I read English novels and listen to them.
I have decided to study economics in English. It would be great help to teach business English and by the way – I will refresh my economics knowledge. So – a lot of studying in front of me. But first I need to study law in Polish since I have to fight with local red concrete which is disturbing in my happy farming and limits my farm development and progress.
“Summertime sadness”: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zGRx_53YbxUThe song flows across my rooms flooding each corner with this fascinating music. I am not sad. Just quiet. It’s late. I am sitting in a lonely house surrounded by dark meadows and listening to the music. Thinking about today, yesterday and tomorrow. Yesterday there was another control from eco certification institution. The controller arrived late. It was young, tall and handsome man. At first I didn’t notice this – that he is handsome, tall and young. At first I was stressed because of the control. For me each controller is a potential enemy. But he was okay. He bravely borne the living condition in which I live. He didn’t complain. He also didn’t get irritated when a piece of paper got wet by accident while he put it at kitchen table... ;) He handed to me copies and originals of the protocol, since he couldn’t put them at the wet table. In one hand I was keeping originals and in another copies. It was funny scene, but I was too stress to notice this at first because of the magic and scary word: “control”. I hate any controls and exams. They always cause enormous stress in me. As I say, I didn’t notice him until he said in a theatrical way: “Lady Isabelle! Lady Isabelle! Lady Isabelle! This is your name, isn’t it? I remember your name since I was here a few times already. Do you remember me?” “Really? I only remember your name and surname. I know that you was here once.” His talk made me interested in him a bit, as there was something in his face, something hidden, or something what he was trying to hide – I understood that this meeting had two meanings. Professional and a kind of personal. What he was up to? Maybe it was just curiosity – why an intelligent woman from a big city has chosen to live in a countryside like this. Or maybe it was something else? Some kind of attraction? But how? We hardly know each other and usually during these meetings I don’t care what I wear on my self. Usually working farm clothes ;) So why? Maybe he reads my Polish blog? Or maybe he was flirting with me some time ago on one of the messengers? While I was wondering about it I spotted a wedding ring at his hand. “Taken.” – I thought. My interest immediately evaporated. Later that evening – when after his short visit he left my house and I was accompanying him to his car having some professional questions to him about my farm and my potential grants – I have noticed how tall he was. Really tall. And really handsome. And yet intelligent. “What a shame that he is already married” – I thought. But wasn’t him who was asking me some time ago to rent a room in my house? I don’t remember if it was him or somebody else. Anyway – my house is not ready for renting rooms, specially now, when I have loads of work outside and inside. Now, after reading the Eleven Minutes I was looking at the man differently. I saw something, what I wasn’t noticing before. He was unsure. A kind of scared. Like the men described by Maria. Should I seduce him? – a devilish thought ran across my mind. What for? He is married. It would be no future in front of us and I prefer to seduce someone with whom I could create my dreamed paradises. Besides I am too moral and too passive to seduce whoever. I am not going to change now. I prefer to live my own lifestyle which is difficult and hard, but it’s mine and it’s pure. Besides it’s no sense to complicate professional relationship which is good. He is a controller and I am a farmer. That’s it!
Lana del Rey - Summertime Sadness Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That baby you the best I got my red dress on tonight Dancin' in the dark in the pale moonlight Done my hair up real big, beauty queen style High heels off, I'm feelin' alive Oh, my God, I feel it in the air Telephone wires above, are sizzlin' like a snare Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere Nothing scares me anymore Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That baby you're the best I got that summertime, summertime sadness su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh oh I'm feelin' electric tonight Cruising down the coast goin' by 99 Got my bad baby by my heavenly side I know if I go, I'll die happy tonight Oh, my God, I feel it in the air Telephone wires above, are sizzlin' like a snare Honey I'm on fire, I feel it everywhere Nothing scares me anymore Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That baby you're the best I got that summertime, summertime sadness Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh oh Think I'll miss you forever Like the stars miss the sun in the morning sky Later's better than never Even if you're gone I'm gonna drive I got that summertime, summertime sadness Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh oh Kiss me hard before you go Summertime sadness I just wanted you to know That baby you're the best I've got that summertime, summertime sadness Su-su-summertime, summertime sadness Got that summertime, summertime sadness Oh, oh oh text taken from this website: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6tsNoZQSTNc&feature=related I do not own the song or don't claim the text of the song is mine.
I have finished reading the novel, I mean Eleven Minutes. At first I was reading in English, but since the copy was poor quality, I have found Polish version which was slightly better - less mistakes.
I am finding this novel very interesting. I can recommend you to read it. It is not a typical book, which I like.
Saying truth – since ages I haven’t been reading to any new novels. This year I have listened to some – two or three Polish novels, some Russian short stories and one English novel.
I also started to read and listen one American contemporary romance, but since the story is boring – I didn’t completed it yet. The other reason why I didn’t completed it is – I changed sleeping place and sleep far away from my computer which I use for listening to the stories. The sleeping time is the only time when I have time to listen to anything or if I work in the kitchen. But recently I work all days outside.
But today an online friend of mine – a nice American cavalier – recommended to me an interesting novel.
So I have found the source on the Internet where I can read it – and started to read it.
It’s Paulo Coehlo novel – Eleven Minutes.
I just started to read it, but I enjoy it :)
Today beautiful day. Perfect day for working outside. I am eagerly heading to my orchard to work there. But first my horses need oat. Hens and geese already were given their grain and water. Cat has full bowls of food, but is begging for something more. Dog is waiting for her food be cooked. I am cooking for her rice with vegetables. I have eaten sandwich with cooked pumpkin slice and fried egg and am drinking tea now. Today I am listening to French Music which I find really relaxing and pleasant to listen to: http://www.polskastacja.pl/webplayer/?channel=38 I feel perfectly well with awareness, that I don’t have to do anything extra than normally. I mean, that I don’t need to clean the house and cook various foods according to coming strangers. That I don’t have to buy more food and more various one. I cannot buy more different food this month since I need to buy hay for the winter. For me Internet cultural exchange is perfectly enough. I don’t need to meet all those people in person, specially if it means for me extra work and expenses.. Besides, I think, if someone offers her/his help at my farm – should deliver this help instead of expecting from me to have done most job before they come. If they want to have clean place here – they should clean it – not expecting me to do it. When I am alone – I don’t have to do it. I have lots of tasks outside the house – no time for housekeeping. I do only really essential basic things in the house like washing dishes and table. I don’t have time for anything else. Still lots of apples is waiting for cutting them and frying. But I need to go outside. I prefer to go outside. It’s nice weather today and I can do something in the orchard. I like to work outside :)
I have decided to hide away in my rural refugee for the coming months... Maybe longer... Maybe forever...
Last two years I was trying to open myself and my farm to strangers. What for? Some volunteer programs claimed that this is so awesome exchange and experience. Well – it wasn’t ;))). Was it worth of trying? I am not sure. Nothing really interesting or exciting happened during this time. Except some big problems created by two fucking Couch Surfers from Cracow. Accept from that - nothing significant. There were some nice moments, but no real friendship was created. Okay - not true. At least one real friendship was created. Help? Not much. More troubles for me than help. Okay. Some helpers were helpful and meaning really well. 30% of helpers were really helpful. Rest 70% not so much. They were rather burden or waste of time to me than help. Should I continue? Hmmm... What for? Do I need it? Well, I need help. Lots of help. But not this kind of which they were offering.
It was rather exchange than a help. Real help doesn’t require anything in exchange. Help doesn’t demand anything in exchange. So it was not help – it was an exchange. Satisfactory? Maybe sometimes, with a few helpers... But is this what I want to continue? I don’t know. Most of these people know nothing and have no skills needed here. Apart from that, if some of them have some skills – from the other side they have some flaws. Some flaws are so big, that I prefer not to use their skills than bear their presence here. So? Should I tolerate here strangers if I don’t like it? Of course – I shouldn’t. But maybe sometimes it will be possible to meet someone sincerely friendly and nice who would be a pleasant companion to me and also some help for some time? We will see. Right now I don’t feel like hosting anybody. I may host only people who have soul and heart bigger than egoistic ego :). A very few of us live in this world ;) So it would be good to meet sometimes... It may be pleasant experience... Worth of trying... :)
Altogether I have collected 11 wheelbarrows with pumpkins from my garden. Nice crop :).
It is the first year when I grow pumpkins. I may add - succesful growing :) I was just about to remove all pumpkin plants, because they weren't haveing flowers for a long time and I thought they are GMO and will not give me any fruits. Luckily I was too busy with other things, and after a few days first flowers appeared and now I have lots of pumpkins :)
Besides I have written my first Polish rebel song. Now I need a musician to compose music to it and record it :)
Today I am collecting the last pumpkins and building my new radio :)
I have collected 8 wheelbarrows with pumpkins so far and collected tens of great songs which I am going to listen in the coming months... :) I will share with you the radio when it will be completed :)
Recently I did something crazy. Now I think what to do with it. Should I continue the crazy thing, or should I stop? I have no idea. It’s autumn. Time for hugging. I have no-one to hug. Nearly no one. I am hungry for love. But I don’t want to make a mistake. I don’t want to hug not appropriate person ;)
I am in a such mood, that I could easily fall in love with someone who seems to be nice and good. But if the person appears to be egoistic bastard who just wants to use me? What then? I hate egoistic bastards. Oh, gosh... I don’t know what to do... What should I do? I think I should stop thinking... ;))) Lets go with a flow ;)))
NO. I started to think. Less feeling – more thinking. Less emotions – more thinking. The damage has been done. I will cut the crazy thing. Pity. It could have been a nice romance... :)
But he is Capricorn Dragon – the worst possible personality for me. It cannot work. For sure not in a long term... And I would prefer a long term relationship... But he is nice... I a sort of like him... But it cannot work. I am totally confused... I don’t know what to do... What to do???
Today cold, wet and nasty day. No trace of yesterday beauty autumn. Today ugly autumn. Weather discourages me from going outside and working there. Lucky me I did work yesterday in the orchard. Today I have no will to go there. Too cold in my hands. I just did basic animal maintenance and went to see if I can find any mushrooms. I didn’t find many mushrooms, yet I don’t know if they are edible. So I returned home and think what to do here. Good day for papers. I planned to do today papers. Yes, it would be good to engage in it. But I need to go to check something outside.
Well, today I spent all day outside. The weather was fine, so I worked in the orchard. I was cutting branches and putting on new tree protectors which just have arrived. I have been working until darkness.
Now I am at home. Already after dinnero-supper :)
It’s late, but I moved in my study and started doing papers. Papers are already very late, but I couldn’t help it.
I have too much work in the farm to deal with papers on time. I hope it will be possible to repair the damage.
I mean – crossing the deadlines. Tomorrow I am going to spend some time in my study working on papers. Today I decided at least to start it. I have already completed and printed agriculture tasks register.
Now I need to make here some order with papers and clean the study since floor got dirty. I need clean place to work in.
Recently I have bought 2000 paper sheets, over 100 envelopes, some post stamps – so I am ready to fight with the official correspondence which is ahead of me. I have so many problems... that I don’t know with which case to start first...
I need money! I have to invest money into my farm! Local authorities do not want to help at all. They are only eager to cause any possible damage to me. They advise me to sell the farm instead of giving any help to me.
Now they are hunting for my beautiful, noble horses.
Of course – it is cheeky and even more. It is ill usage of the administrative law. But I have to deal with it wisely. They are very eager to overuse their powers. I am not going to let them for that. My horses are beautiful, healthy, well fed and happy here. This is me, who brought them here. They were born here. They are MY GREAT breeding success.
But evil, jealous people are eager to rob them from me with ill usage of the law. NO WAY! NEVER.
So now I need to tackle with all these problems... Lots of writing in front of me!
Besides I have lots of houseworks and farming tasks around. I don’t have enough time for all these duties.
Need to organise myself much better. Lucky me I feel good recently. Just I had a few days of pain because of menstruation, but now it is gone. Also my herbs helped to tackle with the menstruation. They are really working... :)
So, to warm up my fingers – I have written this post. My fingers play fast and light with the keyboard.
I have switched on energetic, fast music. I need speed now! The music helps to work faster :)
I am ready to start massive paper work :)